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JavaScript, the worst programming language on the planet

There are quite a few candidates for the worst programming language the Earth has ever seen. However, JavaScript is the worst programming language on the planet by far

There are quite a few candidates for the worst programming language the Earth has ever seen. C++ is arguably software development schizophrenia. Java, its managed counterpart, with its rubbish exception handling, literally turns “encapsulation into an unproven theory”. The average PHP file looks like something your cat sprinkled in its litter box in the morning after eating its breakfast. And Python on the other hand, is so slow you can literally eat breakfast yourself, while waiting for a loop to finish counting to 7. However, they’re all bleak in comparison to JavaScript. JavaScript is the worst programming language on the planet, by far!

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of great ideas in JavaScript. I love its dynamic nature. I adore its functional abilities. And since it’s literally the only thing our browsers accepts, we’re unfortunately stuck with it for the unforeseeable future. However, if you for some reason decide that you want to create your own programming language, do me a favour; Study JavaScript, and just make something completely opposite of it. Because that would literally create guarantees of that it would become a bajillion times better than JavaScript.

JavaScript is basically Lisp with brain damage

I once at replied Brendan Eich on Twitter saying he created JavaScript in 30 days. At which point he replied to correct me and said “11 days”. I was tempted to reply; “That explains a lot of things”. However, I kept my thoughts to myself … 😉

In fact, the only positive thing I can say about JavaScript, is that it was better than VBScript. Also that it was an open language, contrary to SilverLight and Adobe Flash. That’s literally where my ability to speak nicely about JavaScript ends.

JavaScript the worst programming language on the planet

I don’t mean to bash on Brendan. Brendan was one of the original heroes from the browser wars, and I personally know a lot of his colleagues, and he did great stuff with the allocated resources at his disposal back then. However, if you study JavaScript, please do not fall in love with it, because at the end of the day, its ability to allow declared variables to “fall through” scopes, its abilities to re-defined “this”, and its lack of consistency on null/undefined/“God knows what”, is the very definition of how to create a garbage programming language.

My partner sent me a link to somebody generating NodeJS code on the backend the other day. I think the idea was to show me a competitor to Aista. When I had explained a couple of things, his reaction was “Ahaa! ;)”

And no, I will not even link to them. Generating NodeJS code as an alternative to manually creating your HTTP REST API backend yourself, is basically the same as inventing a machine that spreads your cat’s litter evenly applied to all walls in your living room. And I quite frankly don’t want to have children believing that this is a sustainable way to generating backend APIs. If you want to play with a real programming language, that allows you to generate real backend APIs, you can find our stuff below. The reason why it’s the only sustainable way to generating web APIs, is because unfortunately it’s the only meta programming language in the world. Now you know … ^_^

Because, have no doubt; JavaScript is the worst programming language on the planet!